With a Capital T
by Starjargon
Summary: Missy meets River Song. The Doctor never had a chance. Fluffy one-shot written mostly for the joke in the middle. Time Baby. Twelve/Missy Twelve/River Amy/Rory Title from the Music Man


She rolled her eyes as she heard his infernal yelling, not pausing as she picked up her skirts in one hand, sashaying straight into traffic, where a young human man grabbed her and pulled her out of the way of an oncoming vehicle, which apparently had no intention of stopping.

_Rude._

"What were you thinking?! You could've been killed!" he audaciously yelled at her. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Trust me, I would've been fine," she said dryly. Then her face lit up into a terrifying smile. "But that was so..._nice_ of you," she said, reaching out and patting his cheek patronizingly.

"Missy! Bring her back to me!" she heard, rolling her eyes and refusing to turn around as the young man was approached by two women who looked at him, then her, questioningly.

Great. _He_ was coming up from the side; she could hear his loud mutterings even now. She put one hand on her hip, an exasperated sigh leaving her lips.

"Honestly, Doctor, you need to learn to let go sometimes," she addressed him as he finally came into view.

"The rule was that if you take my daughter out, I know where, and when, and you bring her back to me in her _linear_ timeline within no more than a few days!" The grey-haired man shouted at her, reaching forward and gently yet firmly pulling the baby from where she rested in Missy's right arm.

Missy responded with a sigh and an- "_Our_ daughter, Doctor. And since when did either of us play by the rules?"

"_Doctor?!"_ the three people exclaimed in amazement at the same time.

The Doctor paused in his rant at the Time Lady to turn to stare in shock at the little group.

"Ponds," he gulped out, pain immediately entering his eyes, before turning to take in the woman standing beside them. "River." Yet more pain, even as his vacant arm reached out to gently caress her face until his thumb brushed reverently over her lips. She smiled and kissed it briefly, before raising an eyebrow pointedly at the baby in his arms and the woman standing bored behind him.

"Now, now, Doctor. Mind your manners. Aren't you going to introduce us?" Missy finally asked in an overly-sweet, longsuffering tone, sly smile emerging on her face that made the Doctor look at her warily.

"She's right, Doctor. Don't be rude," said River, scolding him gently, eyes lighting up mischievously as she smirked that smirk that had him all at once sighing and acquiescing.

"Wife, Mistress. Mistress, Wife," the Doctor bit out sharply, eyes locked on River a moment more before he shot Missy a grumpy glare.

"Mistress?!" asked Amy and Rory testily, seeing River tense up in irritation as well. The Mistress, however, actually seemed as though her interest was piqued, and the two women began slowly walking around each other, sizing one another up.

"Hmm. I had a wife once. Different body, of course. She killed me," the Mistress said, looking River up and down with what could almost be called curiosity.

This immediately stopped River's harsh scrutiny as she looked up in fascination.

"I killed him once, too- first time I met him," she said, nodding toward the Doctor.

"Really?!" the Mistress asked with far too much enthusiasm. "How did it feel? I've been trying to get rid of him for _millennia_."

"Obviously," the now-ignored and annoyed Doctor commented with an eye-roll, holding his-_their_\- daughter up meaningfully toward the Ponds. Who were caught between watching the fascinating display before them and trying to fawn over the Doctor's baby.

"Took the rest of my regenerations to bring him back," River bragged, ignoring the Doctor as she smiled smugly.

"A Time Lady?" the Mistress enquired, impressed and a bit surprised as she developed an immediate affection for the woman who'd managed to both destroy and marry her Doctor. "Who _successfully_ murdered the Doctor on her first try?"

"Raised as a psychopath." River shrugged with false modesty.

"He does seem to have a thing for us," observed Missy, both women now looking toward the Doctor fondly.

"Bless," they said at the same time, turning and smiling meaningfully at one another.

"Now, tell me dear, how did it feel knowing you'd accomplished what armies and monsters have never been able to do and defeat the Doctor? And to get him to marry you as well?" asked Missy, intrigued and attentive to this kindred spirit as the two women began to walk off, River giving her parents and husband a cursory smile goodbye.

"Oh no, I'd much rather hear a little more about your conquests. I presume you once went by the name Master? You came up quite a bit in my thesis studies. I'd love to hear all about how Harold Saxon managed to rise in power in such a short time. And now that adorable baby."

"Oh, he begged so prettily for a child, and what better way to preserve my legacy?" She explained nonchalantly, "As for my rise to power- it was quite easy that," Missy started, the two women now fully engrossed in their mutual self-admiration, leaving the Doctor fairly annoyed that, since his daughter had gained the full attention of the Ponds, no one was left to admire him.

He huffed petulantly as he took the tiny girl from Rory's arms. "I'll just... take her back to the TARDIS then, shall I?" he called out. Missy didn't even turn around as she waved him off, walking away with her arm linked with River's as the two women kept talking animatedly.

As the Doctor began marching back toward his ship, grumbling the entire time, Amy and Rory accompanied him, finally understanding the significance of the new Time Lord they'd just met.

"So..." Rory began, awkwardly looking at the Doctor and Amy.

"Did my daughter just go off with a psychopathic mass murderer?" Amy asked in slight confusion.

"Aye." The Doctor bit out sharply, causing his child to fuss. He muttered irritably as he patted her back in an effort to calm her, still walking purposefully to the TARDIS.

"Who is also your worst enemy?"

He cleared his throat in affirmation.

"And the mother of your daughter?"

"Apparently," he gritted his teeth, angry at the validity in each statement.

"So... your wife and your enemy-turned-lover are off making friends and planning grand, probably terrifying, schemes and leaving you behind... to tend the baby?" Rory asked, staring down at the babbling little girl who was contentedly sucking on the Doctor's lapel clutched in her fist.

"Oh, just shut up, would you?" the grumpy Time Lord complained as his daughter started fussing loudly and squirming impatiently in his arms, another woman who was currently unimpressed by him.

He began struggling to win back her affections, grousing on and on about _River Song and the Master, has the universe gone insane?_ and _...knew the TARDIS had it in for me when she landed here, she must still be upset about the rewiring_ and _...the Doctor. That used to mean something to people_ and ..._oh the good old days where the companions were assistants and weren't impressed when someone managed to kill me_ and _...just like your mother, stubborn and determined to cause me trouble, don't know why I bother._ The last muttering was directed at his baby, who had calmed down enough when presented with the Doctor's yoyo, and was currently trying to swat uncoordinatedly at the toy, gurgling and giggling as it continued on its fickle trajectory.

As they listened to the Doctor's gripes, Amy and Rory looked back at the now far-off figures of the two women who so caused the Time Lord to moan and knew that despite his complaints, he always came for or found each one whenever they needed him throughout time and space and lifetimes. Because in the end, trouble was what the Doctor loved more than anything else in the universe. And trouble was what those women were. As they stared down at the tiny new troublemaker who currently had the begrudging Doctor wrapped around her small, uncoordinated finger, Rory and Amy just smirked.


End file.
